Well I thought I would start a new thread about my ex gf. I have written a few bits about her previously in different threads.
This story starts on a Saturday morning at about 0900 hrs. Anyway i turn up at her house as planned and to say she is a little worse for wear is an understatement as she is struggling to stand. She had been out with her friends the previous night and had a bit too much to drink. Baby she says i think i'm having a hungry day i've already had 4 bit of toast and i'm still hungry. Excellent I think as I love it when she has a hungry day its unbelievable what happens. Have I got time for something else to eat before we get a taxi. Yeah no problem I say and she has 2 more pieces of toast while we are waiting. She finishes up and the taxi turns up about 5 mins later and takes us to the station. The train is due to leave at 1000 hrs and we get tickets and have about 15 mins to wait. I need a smoke she says so we go outside the station and she lights up, she is still struggling to stand at this point and turns to me and says baby I need to fart big time. How can we hide it I think it's going to be big. I'll lean against the wall and you lean up against me that should muffle it a bit so she does that and it starts rumbling against me for about 30 seconds. Thats better she says and we head off for the train to Newmarket races. We get there at 1100 hrs or so without any more gas. ( just as well as the train is full ). What time does the racing start she asks about 1400 hrs I say. So why are we here so early then? Because I want to go to the pub 1st for a few drinks as we said. OMG she says I can't drink at the moment. Anyway we get to the pub and she says baby i'm hungry shall we have something to eat. Now I hadn't eaten so I say why not. So i go to the bar and order 2 big breakfasts and a couple of bottles of Bud. When I get back to the table she says why have you got me a bud i asked for a coke. Unlucky I say you promised you wouldn't get pissed last night because you knew we were having a few drinks today. Fair enough she says. So a few mins later the food turns up. A big breakfast consists of 3 sausages, 2 pieces of bacon, hash brown, 2 eggs, beans, mushrooms, tomato and 2 slices of fried bread. I just about get through mine but she scoffs hers down as if she hasn't eaten for a week. By this time the pub is full and is noisy. Just as well as she rips a fucking huge fart which fortunately I can hear but nobody else can she also stifles a couple of burps. Just making room she says. What for?
i'm going to have another one of those i'm still feeling hungry. Seriously I say. Yup. Told you i'm having a hungry day. So I head off to the bar and order another breakfast and 2 more buds. Anyway when it comes she wolfs it down again and drinks the remains of her bud. I feel a bit better after that she says but there's still room for something else. baby we've got to make a move I say as it's gone 1300 hrs. No worries says Cat lets go. So we get on the bus that takes us to the racetrack and while we are half way there she turns to me and says I need to fart. You'll have to hold it theres 30 odd people on this bus and they'll think a bomb has gone off I laugh. Fortunately it's only a 20 min journey so she hasn't long to hold it. We get off and walk about 50 yards when she lets go. Nothing large as shes clenching her butt cheeks so is more a 20 second squeak. The wind must have been blowing the wrong way as the smell follows us for about 20 yards and it's not pleasant. Must be what i had to drink last night she giggles. Anyway we go in to the course put out bets on the 1st race and go to the bar for a couple of pints. While we are drinking she says i'm starting to feel hungry again. But i'll wait until the end of the 1st race. So we watch the race finish our beers and head off for food. She orders 3 pieces chicken and chips which she eats in no time at all. Believe it or not I still feel hungry but won't have anything as i'm feeling greedy. So we watch the next couple of races and have a couple more beers which takes us to about 1515 hrs when she says it's no good I gotta eat. So we head off again and this time she has fish and chips. Thats better she says i'm feeling full. So no more food between then and the end of the meeting which is 1730 hrs. We do have 4 more pints though. We leave the course and she says i'll ring mum and see if it's ok to pop round.( She lives in Newmarket. ) So we catch the bus back to the station and start the 10 minute walk to her mums. I've got a bit of wind she says and starts farting every few steps or so. This goes on for 5 minutes and when she finally finishes she turns to me and says. i now have room for the tea mum is cooking for us. Anyway we get to her mums and she's cooked pasta for us. Now Cat has not 1 not 2 but 3 helpings of this pasta and a couple of glasses of wine followed by strawberrys and cream. Finally she says I'm full. Not really a surprise as she's had 6 slices of toast, 2 big breakfasts, 3 pieces of chicken and chips, fish and chips, 3 plate fulls of pasta, strawberrys and cream, 2 bottles of bud, 7 pints of lager and 2 glasses of wine. The time has got to 2100 hrs and the train is due to leave at 2115 so we say our goodbyes and leave. We catch the train and about half way home she says my belly hurts. I feel it and its feeling quite full but still has a bit of space although it's expanded since we left in the morning and the dress she is wearing is tighter. So I give it a rub to try and relieve it a bit which seems to do the trick. For a short time anyway. Anyway the train arrives back in Ipswich at 2215 hrs and we get off baby she says look at my belly. to my amazement its still expanding and the seams are starting to split. It must be the pasta expanding. I reckon she has grown a good 11 inches around the belly and probably gained similar in weight throughout the day with all she's eaten and drunk. We get back to her house and go straight up to her bedroom. Briefly saying a quick hello to her son. I need to get out of this dress she says and I really need a belly rub. So we struggle to get her out of the dress and her belly is tight and I mean drum tight. I could have thrown something on it and it would have bounced about 10 ft in the air. God it's painful now she says so I start rubbing. Baby you just need to fart some air out I say. And with that she rips a fucking huge 45 second fart which almost blows the walls down.
Fuck me I said now thats what I call a fart. ( forget JDR and Ana Didovic and all the others as Cat tops them all when it comes to farting. ) There's plenty more where that came from baby believe me. So I carry on rubbing and every couple of minutes theres a repeat performance. This carries on for a good half an hour and her belly is starting to reduce in size. Are you able to have sex yet I ask. Yes I think so she says but I may fart on you. I bloody hope so I say i'm banking on it. So we are having sex and as we are going at it she farts on me 3 or 4 times. I pull out and decide to fist fuck her. Now I do this until she squirts all over me and carry on doing it and she squirts about 5 times. All the while though at the same time as she's squirting she's farting constantly as she has lost control. I am so hard by this time I have to go back to fucking her and as she is still squirting it's like fucking in a swimming pool all the while she's farting on me as well. Anyway I finally come and she says baby I need water I am so de-hydrated. So I put her dressing gown on and hear a thud behind me. I turn around and she has fallen off the bed and says I can't move. It's your fault. At this I laugh and go downstairs for water. I come back up to find her still on the floor trying to get up. Here baby drink this and give her a pint of water. She knecks it in about 5 seconds flat and says god I needed that but need another one which I fetch for her. I come back up and she has finally made it back on to the bed and drinks half the water. Thats better she says time to sleep now its almost 1 in the morning. So we kiss andd cuddle up and fall asleep. Or at least I do for a bit as every hour or so she's still dropping the biggest bombs while her belly deflates. By the morning her belly is almost back to its normal size. When she wakes she says right time to get rid of the rest of this belly and drops one of the most massive farts i heard from her. It went on for a good minute to a minute and a half and was amazingly loud. Anyway it did the trick and her belly was back to normal. For a few weeks anyway. hee hee
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